I can't remember what this painting was of. I erased it with the paints I had on my palette just to make a new background for painting something new. I like it like this.. what is it about me that I love unfinished things? They always seem so much more exciting because they have potential and somewhere interesting they could go.
January is always a reflective month and increasingly I feel that when I get to the end of it I feel a slight panic. That a twelfth of the year has elapsed and what have I done or achieved!?( A fair amount if I list it I suspect) My moods have been up and down - we always want each year to be a clean slate ... so any hang overs of awkward situations can make us sad.
How should we deal with these things? When it is impossible to make things right because we rarely see the person concerned or the thing that's bothering us is really an aspect of our own behaviour that makes us cringe and it's probably too late anyway?A blog I read recently talked about imagining eating the sun (it'd be nice if there was some around Norfolk just now!) to fill all the dark spaces. Another good practice is to catch yourself thinking negatively and literally distract yourself by - if you can do it - doing nothing - just sitting, listening to sounds around you, or deliberately being grateful for your health and the people who DO love you. Counting your blessings I suppose. Or meditating. Much harder if you are genuinely depressed I know. Another thing that I try to do - an ex boyfriend told me to try it - is to imagine the person you have difficulty with surrounded by white light and send them love. Practice that and even though there's no proof of it, at the very least any ill feeling on your part tends to ebb away. Like a lot of this and in fact anything worth having or doing 'practice' is the key.
It's so hard to forgive oneself for mistakes - I find and if I am really, really honest other people when they hurt you - but we do eventually; it's essential if we aren't to go on punishing ourselves and them. We handicap ourselves by worrying about what others think of us. It may not even be as bad as we imagine!
I want with all my heart to move to a joyful place where if I'm on the receiving end of bad feeling I can let it wash over me - instead of bouncing it back. And to let go of the patterns of the past. I said this year was about personal evolution so that's what I'm aiming for.
If you have any tips about letting go please share!
Oh and I want to remember that when I boil the kettle to go and make a cup of tea!