Wednesday, 22 January 2014

Reflections



I can't remember what this painting was of. I erased it with the paints I had on my palette just to make a new background for painting something new. I like it like this.. what is it about me that I love unfinished things? They always seem so much more exciting because they have potential and somewhere interesting they could go.

January is always a reflective month and increasingly I feel that when I get to the end of it I feel a slight panic. That a twelfth of the year has elapsed and what have I done or achieved!?( A fair amount if I list it I suspect) My moods have been up and down - we always want each year to be a clean slate ... so any hang overs of awkward situations can make us sad.

How should we deal with these things? When it is impossible to make things right because we rarely see the person concerned or the thing that's bothering us is really an aspect of our own behaviour that makes us cringe and it's probably too late anyway?A blog I read recently talked about imagining eating the sun (it'd be nice if there was some around Norfolk just now!) to fill all the dark spaces. Another good practice is to catch yourself thinking negatively and literally distract yourself by - if you can do it - doing nothing - just sitting, listening to sounds around you, or deliberately being grateful for your health and the people who DO love you. Counting your blessings I suppose. Or meditating. Much harder if you are genuinely depressed I know. Another thing that I try to do - an ex boyfriend told me to try it - is to imagine the person you have difficulty with surrounded by white light and send them love. Practice that and even though there's no proof of it, at the very least any ill feeling on your part tends to ebb away. Like a lot of this and in fact anything worth having or doing 'practice' is the key.

It's so hard to forgive oneself for mistakes - I find and if I am really, really honest other people when they hurt you - but we do eventually; it's essential if we aren't to go on punishing ourselves and them. We handicap ourselves by worrying about what others think of us. It may not even be as bad as we imagine!
I want with all my heart to move to a joyful place where if I'm on the receiving end of bad feeling I can let it wash over me - instead of bouncing it back. And to let go of the patterns of the past.  I said this year was about personal evolution so that's what I'm aiming for. Not easy is it?  Actually it's as easy as you make it for yourself.

If you have any tips about letting go please share!

Oh and I want to remember that when I boil the kettle to go and make a cup of tea!

6 comments:

  1. Hi Gabriella...what a very reflective and thought provoking post. Life can be so complicated sometimes can't it? I think starting with a clean slate in January puts so much pressure on us when it isn't always possible. Things do carry over because January 1st is just another day really but we try to make ourselves believe that a new year will make everything okay...I am so guilty of this myself. If ever there is a month that I feel sad and out of sorts it's January...hope you pick up with the promise of Spring and don't put too much pressure on yourself if you feel a little fragile x

    Advice as far as letting go is that some situations just cannot be held onto, some friendships, relationships need to be let go off otherwise it will drag you under. If it is worth saving you will if it isn't then set yourself free. I had a close friend for many years and she crapped (sorry bit crude) on me from a great height...the friendship had to end and I was very upset for a while but now it is the best thing I could have done as I don't feel the burden anymore. Hope this helps? Jane xxx p.s. gosh I can't half go on!

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    1. Jane I so appreciate your reply. What you say is completely true. It's just the letting go that's hard isn't it - genuinely not minding that someone misunderstands you. I wonder if the only answer ( if talking about it is not really possible) is to not dwell on it - snapping out of it when you find yourself even thinking about it. Knowing you will probably bump into someone for many years makes it harder! Thank you for taking time to write to me; I'm glad you've been set free at last. X

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    2. I hope you manage to let go somehow Gabriella, it is hard when you know you will still see the person but try not to dwell on it too much if you can (easier said than done sometimes I know). You are a good person with lots to be happy about so focus on that instead...always helps me. Take care J xx

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  2. I like the painting very much. Letting go is difficult but well worth it I think. Spring is a few weeks away and that always is a good tonic.

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  3. Yeah, January ~ reflection month!
    All this 'new year's resolution' stuff kinda puts the pressure on, (gotta make this year better) it makes you analyse your life, and you usually just end up questioning what was wrong with last year (or previous years, if thoughts spiral.)
    It can be helpful, in a way; giving you the chance to readjust or set yourself straight, but it can also lead to regrets - both for your own actions and others... and you're right it can handicap you, hold you back, and if you're not careful weigh you down too much.
    The way I look at it, is if they don't wash over you, they need to be addressed asap; if only to discard them effectively (ie they won't come back to haunt you next year!)
    I always find it helpful, is to treat it like grieving... Tell yourself it's OK to feel sad/angry/hurt/at a loss etc, but also tell yourself that this kind of grieving can be worked through quicker - give yourself time to heal, not pressure to get over it, but really heal...
    I've also found that getting my thoughts, about a certain situation, down on paper - a letter to myself or the person in question - helps... I usually destroy them, but it adds to the 'sorting it out' process for me - gives you the chance to step back and see the situation in a different light.
    January should be 'what's good about life' reflection month, but easier said than done ;)
    I hope you find your happy place soon - a better place to dwell

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  4. Thank you Cath - I think writing it down privately would be a really good thing to do. For my particular situation I've spent too long going through things in my head and for me it's about ensuring I break away from reacting to situations the way I do. So maybe writing about alternative ways I could have or will approach similar problems in the future might be a good idea - it could reinforce a positive way of dealing with things!

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